Pee​-​Pee Poet

by Woody Harding

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1.
You're In Urine 02:41
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I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I said I’m in, you’re in a big ole puddle of piss Oh I said I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I’m in, you’re in, piss Feels so very nice A big ole puddle of paradise Feels so great I pissed myself twice Now take my advice Pissin’ yourself it ain’t no vice How’s it bad when it feels so nice I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I said I’m in, you’re in a big ole puddle of piss Oh I said I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I’m in, you’re in, piss It feels so warm and wet And it don’t put you in debt Why spend cash when you got more piss yet The best things in life are free Couldn’t be more true when you have your pee I just wish the sea were pee I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I said I’m in, you’re in a big ole puddle of piss Oh I said I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I’m in, you’re in, piss The blood of Christ cleanses So does being covered with piss by all your friends And you don’t even have to make amends Just follow the golden rule Share your pee but not your stool Poop is just not all that cool I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I said I’m in, you’re in a big ole puddle of piss Oh I said I’m in, you’re in a big old puddle of Urine I’m in, you’re in, piss
2.
Squirt Marks 03:29
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I miss your squirt marks on my bed I miss the way you gave me head I miss the crumpled up sheets That smelled like the Bay of Fundy I miss your squirt marks on my bed I loved the peach fuzz on your shaved clam It was as soft as a knitted afghan When I’d fill up your snatch And shoot my splooge on your back You'd leave squirt marks on my bed I loved the way that you tickled my taint Now it ain’t for the hearts of the faint Then I’d dick you on down And I'd take you to town Leaving squirt marks on my bed You’d repeat my name like the Creed of Nicene When I was flicking your taut little bean In and out of your hole Came my little skin pole To Leave squirt marks on my bed Now play with that G-string, Speedy! Play It! Yeah, baby, yeah! That sounds so purdy, baby You’d get wetter than a slip n’ slide Then you’d squirt on my bed where it dried And now that you’re gone I'll still jerk off my dong To the squirt marks on my bed Play with yourself Jimby! Play with yourself! Come on, slide about, slide about! I’ll never wash those sheets again Not until I get another girlfriend Now it may seem abstruse But I love your pussy juice That left squirt marks on my bed That left squirt marks on my bed That left squirt marks on my bed YEEHAW!
3.
Teeny Weeny Thin Zucchini (feat. Some Italians from New Orleans) 02:12
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I’ve never been to Paris, France Or had the taste of sweet romance I’ve never kissed a dame I’ve always been the lonely one With my thoughts and had no fun And that’s a crying shame But I know why I’ve no hope It’s ‘cause I’ve no large squash to grope But that’s alright with me Because I know that my tiny marrow is still part of the fruit family I have a teeny-weeny thin zucchini, which I’m holding in my hands It’s always growing, never showing, but still cooks right in your pan I have a teeny-weeny thin zucchini straight from Italy And it’s packed with seeds that will fill you up and that’s a guarantee It’s smaller than a mint tic-tac But that’s the only one drawback It's not as long as some other squash But it’s sweeter than a McIntosh I have a teeny-weeny thin zucchini, which explodes right in your mouth It’s always growing, but never showing; grown in Sicily way down South I have a teeny-weeny thin zucchini straight from Italy And it’s packed with seeds that will fill you up and that’s a guarantee Fry it up to eat with your homemade sauce Throw it right in there with your salad tossed Put the whole damn thing right in your mouth And maybe a brand new squash will sprout I have a teeny-weeny thin zucchini not even one inch long It’s always growing, but never showing; has a flavor that’s sweet and strong My teeny-weeny thin zucchini is small, but still quite firm And by teeny weeny thin zucchini, I mean my penis filled with sperm
4.
Big Vaginer, or Micropenis 02:50
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Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer I can’t seem to cum Well, I’m standing in her bedroom With my hard cock in my hand I’ve been rubbin’ and a tuggin' ‘Cause she’s wider than the Rio Grande Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer I can’t seem to cum Well, I’ve seen the Atlantic Ocean Seen the Pacific too But, I’ve never seen a beaver Like the one on you Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! she’s got a big vaginer Yeah! she’s got a big vaginer I can’t seem to cum I’ve traveled to Australia Swam in Mariana’s Trench Still never seen a fissure Like one on you, wench Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer I can’t seem to cum I drove around this cuntry Haven’t been surprised But when I saw your coochie I never felt so undersized Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer Yeah! She’s got a big vaginer I can’t seem to cum Now, my penis ain’t too girthy Hasn’t touched her ‘giner walls And I’ve often been told that I’m no cock and all balls Well, it’s got a normal head on it But just a quarter-inch shaft There’s still hope for my stub yet They could do a tree graft I have a micropenis Oh, I have a micropenis Oh, I have a micropenis That’s probably why she’s so big She ain’t got no big vaginer She ain’t got no massive cooch She ain’t have no big vaginer I just have a micro-dick Yeah, baby, a little chode!
5.
What a Friend We Have in Jesus 02:05
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What a friend we have in Jesus All our sins and griefs to bear And what a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer Oh, what peace we often forfeit Oh, what needless pain we bear All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged Take it to the Lord in prayer Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness Take it to the Lord in prayer Take it to the Lord in prayer Take it to the Lord in prayer
6.
I Cum Way Too Quick 02:58
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I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I’m a… One Gag Garry One Diddle Dennis One Fiddle Freddy One Rub Ruben One Ball Saul One Blow Blake One Flick Floyd One Twist Twain One Queef Quinn One Suck Simon One Jerk Joke A One Stroke Bloke I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I'm a... One Pull Paulie One Bone Bonzo One Stab Stan One Nudge Nancy One Curl Corbin One Yank Yael One Crank Crandall One Dip Daniel One Screw Drew One Pet Rhett One Hump Trump A One Pump Chump I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I'm a ... One Grab Graham One Slide Sylvester One Flick Rick One Shake Blake One Bite Bilbo One Look Lorne One Jab Jason One Thrust Thor One Tug Tuck One Lick Lisa One Bump Billy A One Whack Willy I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I'm a ... One Jack Jimmy One Handy Andy One Prick Prescott One Spank Frank One Kiss Kyle One Bop Bobby One Whack Wayne One Fap Phil One Munch Merle One Wax Waldo One Minute Micky A One Tickle Timmy I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I'm a ... One Wring Ryan One Fist Finton One Flog Flint One Pound Porter One Milk Micah One Romp Robert One Ride Rickey One Pump Parker One Gob Gordon One Chew Drew One Chow Chandler A One Bob Beau I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick I'm a ... One Gum Gunther One Slurp Sloan One Snarl Carl One Hummer Huey One Bang Barack One Cop Colby One Finger Felix One Gobble Godric One Honk Holden One Peel Pepe A One Nibble Neal I’m a One Feel Deal I come way too quick, man I come way too quick, man Don’t need to penetrate, man Don’t need to lubricate, man Pre-mature ejaculate, man I cum way too quick Oh, I'm cum way too quick
7.
Mother's Milk 03:09
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Tasting that mother’s milk Feels so smooth, it feels like silk You just grab a tit And that is it To taste that mother’s milk When I was just a little boy I never wanted to play with no toy I just took momma’s breast Had a sucky-suck fest And drank all my mother’s milk I’ve sucked tits way too long That’s why I wrote this song When I was sixteen I near sucked her boobs clean Just drinking that mother's milk My mind has been in the gutter Ever since I lost my mom’s utter And I’d still suck my mom’s gourds If she wasn't in the morgue Just to taste my mother’s milk… Just to taste my mother’s milk… Just to taste my mother’s milk… *Sucking*
8.
It's Thanksgiving Time Again! 03:16
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It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again I'm gonna stuff you like a turkey Pour my gravy on your face Put some butter on your biscuits And then have a little taste Cut me off a piece of breast And you can have the rest Maybe save me of leg And I'll take a crack at your egg Lather on some oil N' rub down that turkey meat 'Fore you make a custard pie I got eggs for you to beat Throw those giblets in the pot And make a homemade turkey stock For tonight we're eating turkey Not just any barnyard cock It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again I got cream sauce on my sprouts You need gravy on your spuds My gravy boat has a spout And it ain't pourin' duds Your turkey is too dry It needs some cranberry sauce Let me grab a thigh And give that salad a toss It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again This dressing's too tangy And the corn's overcooked But your yams taste like candy And my string beans have you hooked I've got pecans for your pie And fresh milk for your batter Before we say goodbye Lemme fill up your platter Dinner's all done Now it's time for dessert I'd like some cream in my coffee But just give me a squirt That's a gooey pumpkin pie But it needs some whipped cream I got a fresh batch If you know what I mean It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again It's Thanksgiving Time again Wow, you sure know how to gobble
9.
Hey, Truck Driver (Back Up and Get a Load of This)! 03:53
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Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this I know you’ve tried oral But have you ever tried a fist? You travel state to state All over the place You only ever stop To masturbate So... Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this You’ll smear your proof of delivery All over my lily-white mouth Right before you take That big rig way down South You can drop off your load While I suck off your chode You won’t even have to get off the road So... Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this I can hop up in your cab And blow your lil’ cock a kiss You’ve got eighteen wheels So there’s enough room to kneel Just pay me up front and we’ve got a deal So... Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this You’ve got a 50-foot trailer But only a quarter-inch dick Now, even a micropenis Shoots cum that's gooey and thick You’ve got a long haul So you’ll need a girl to ball I may be quite old, but I never stall So... Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this Yeah, Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this Truck Driver, Truck Driver Back up and get a load of this
10.
Super Bowel Sunday 03:12
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Every Super Bowel Sunday I sit upon the throne Pinch off a loaf, I sweat and I groan I reach into that bowl and roll my log into a ball All of my friends I then call Because on Super Bowel Sunday we play catch with our feces We throw it around until it about falls to pieces And when it’s all crumbled I don’t worry at all Because I know that tomorrow I can shit a new ball We take my round turd straight down to the park We throw that turd around ’til way past dark When we are done; we bring the game inside And paint our faces with it to show our team pride Because on Super Bowel Sunday we play catch with our feces We throw it around until it about falls to pieces And then when it’s pulverized we take utensils and things And have a second taste of my Super Bowel wings As you can tell I love the Cleveland Browns As I’m covered in brown from the head on down Next Super Bowel Sunday you can play too All you have to do is pick up your poo Because on Super Bowel Sunday we play catch with our feces We throw it around until it about falls to pieces And when it’s no more I don’t put on a frown Because later in my toilet my turd will make a touchdown
11.
Crap in Tow 03:08
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Woke up and got out of bed Put on my slippers and went to the head I pulled down my trousers and guess what then I left a turd on the linoleum Got off the pot, but I did not know That I had a bunch of crap in tow Stuck to my shoes and walked around the house To leave a fresh surprise for my good old spouse Never thought it’d happen so soon At twenty-three I thought I’d be killing poon But here I am dragging shit around the room But that’s just the way it goes Never had incontinence Could hold a turd and bet ten cents That it wouldn’t roll down my leg Like some fried over-easy egg Times have changed and I’m unsure If by lunch I may be in manure But it could just have been a bad clam That broke this old diarrhea dam Never thought it’d happen so soon At twenty-three I thought I’d be killing poon But here I am dragging shit around the room But that’s just the way it goes I cleaned it up so no-one could see But just then I started to pee Left a puddle larger than the great lakes A piss so strong I couldn’t turn on the brakes I was there all alone in my piss All of a sudden, I felt pure bliss Who knew that just that little bit of pee Could fill me up with so much glee Never thought it’d happen so soon At twenty-three I thought I’d be killing poon But here I am dragging shit around the room But that’s just the way it goes

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released April 5, 2020

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Woody Harding Nashville, Tennessee

Progenitor of the tradition of Hank Williams Sr. Creating real County music a real country way.

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